Some guys think they are God’s gift to women. They think they know everything there is to know about intercourse with women. Ever think that maybe you don’t? Perhaps all the information you stored in your head may contain some errors.
Considering your sources, it’s almost a certainty. Why? Because after the birds-and-the-bees talk with your father, you pretty much have to figure out sex for yourself. As young adult males, you take your cues from adult movies – not very realistic sources for sex ideas. As you get older, you become more experienced, but some women might not be comfortable talking about what they like.
To help you guys out, we’ve listed some of the most common sex mistakes men make, with inputs from acclaimed sex educators.
You know what she wants
Men base their assumptions about what a woman needs on his experiences with other women. But all women are different from each other. "You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person," says Tristan Taormino, a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer.
Taormino further adds that this applies to relationships as well. "There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can get attached very easily, and then everyone in between."
You have all she needs
For some women to be able to achieve orgasm, they require really, really quick vibrations that human fingers or tongue cannot possibly generate. Thus they need to use vibrators. The thing is, some men think that there’s something is wrong with a woman who needs a vibrator.
But Taormino counters, saying that "If the only way that a woman can achieve orgasm is with a vibrator, she’s not broken". She suggests that you see vibrators as some kind of an "assistant" and not a substitute. "While you’re doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else," Taormino says.
Sex feels the same for you both
This is not true. Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook and other sex manuals, says that there is a "huge disconnect" between men and women regarding how sex feels good. "When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn’t feeling the same way for her," Paget says.
The inside of a woman’s vagina maybe less sensitive than the outer parts for most women. Plus, deep thrusting may not feel that good for her like what you might have assumed. For instance, if the penis is too long, "it feels like you’re getting punched in the stomach," Paget says. "It makes you feel nauseous."
You know your way around a woman’s anatomy
Of course you know what clitoris is and where it is located But you don’t necessarily understand it. At the start of the sexual revolution in the 70s, a best-selling book called the Joy of Sex introduced to Americans the importance of the clitoris. But it did not completely eradicate the belief that women must be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration.
"For the majority of women, it’s not going to happen that way," Paget says.
"Men also lack information about how to touch it and how sensitive it is," Taormino adds.
Since all women are different, a touch that is pleasurable to one woman maybe painful to another. The best way to know how a woman likes to be touched? Ask.
Wet means Turned-on Men sometimes get hung up if a woman does not get wet enough for him to penetrate easily. The truth is that there is no reason for you to worry. "I think there’s a myth that if you’re turned on, you’re wet," Taormino says. Some women get wetter than other.
Also, how wet she gets can vary from day to day, depending on the phase of her menstrual cycle. Then, there are other factors to consider like stress and medications.
Silence is Golden Some guys (except of course, those who like to talk dirty during intercourse, but that’s another story) think they should be quiet during sex. But the thing is, unless you say something, your partner will not know what feels good to you and what doesn’t.
Taormino says "If you’re respectful about it, a woman who wants to please you will probably appreciate some directions." Taormino further adds that "I’m not saying push her head in your lap, "I think that, ‘this is how I like it,’ is a very useful conversation to have."