One of the most contested issues in the gay world today involves the “M” word. Gays and straights alike are wondering whether this word is meant for gays, or whether it is just aping the straight society. Is it a basic human instinct or is it just an idiotic social construct? No, this “M” word does not refer to marriage. It refers to monogamy.
For many gays, monogamy doesn’t apply. How can monogamy (etymology = “one marriage”) apply to those people who are not even allowed by law in many states and countries to marry? On the other hand, many others believe that monogamy can work for gay couples. This article provides some tips for gays on how to stay monogamous.
The first step requires you to think, think, and think. Are you ready for a monogamous relationship? It means both you and your partner should be faithful to each other. No sidelines. No one-night-stands.
No flings. If you’re considering this arrangement, you should think hardly of how you really care about the person you love.
You need to ask yourself: “Am I ready for commitment?” “Can I remain faithful?” “How about those hot guys I’m fantasizing to have sex with?” If you’re ready for a monogamous relationship, then is very likely that you can stay monogamous once you enter the relationship.
Here’s a quick test. Bring your partner to any place frequented by sizzling hot guys. Your favorite gay bar is an ideal place. Or have a stroll in a park where gorgeous men assemble. Look for a guy that attracts you big time.
What if this guy approaches you and asked you to hang out? What would you do?
(a) Say “yes” instantly and dump your partner right then and there.
(b) Say “yes” and explain to your partner that you really want to have sex with this guy just for once.
(c) Say “no” and meet the guy when your partner is not around.
(d) Say “no”, hold your partner’s arm, and leave.
If you answer, a, b, or c, then you’re not yet ready for a monogamous relationship. Proclaiming that you’re ready when you’re not would only jeopardize the relationship.
Once you’re on a monogamous relationship, you and your partner need to talk about your relationship regularly. Checking in with each other and seeing how you’re both feeling about the relationship will help you iron out problems you might have.
Telling your partner that you almost gave in when a guy asked you out shows your honesty. Honesty is a very crucial component of a monogamous relationship among gay couples.
Having a regular discussion can also enhance the intimacy between you and create a much stronger bond. Remember, a good communication makes a good relationship.
Being and acting monogamous and faithful can be very difficult. Here’s what you have to do: If you really love your partner, tell yourself over and over that he’s the one for you. Make “he’s the one for me” an everyday mantra.
Remind yourself always of how much he and the relationship means to you. It is also important that you accept your weaknesses and do something about them, with the help of your partner.
As much as possible, avoid going to places where you can find gay guys who are out to have sex with every guy they see. You’re only human – you can become weak sometimes if you’re surrounded by people who don’t choose to have a monogamous relationship.
Of course, you can go to these places from time to time, given that your close friends are around.