Fighting Fairly in Your Marriage

marriage problemsMarriage can be blissful during the wedding and honeymoon, but once reality begins to sink in you realize that there is more about marriage that just being romantic. You have probably heard about the "seven-year itch," when the marital relationship turns sour over the years, usually because the couple keeps on fighting and arguing with each other.

If you want to keep your marriage, you need to realize that this relationship needs a lot of compromise. When arguments never seem to end, or when you feel like giving up, you need to follow these suggestions to manage your relationship in times like these.

Know the issues

You need to figure out the issues that you and your spouse often argue about. It could be money, household responsibility, questions of infidelity, or even how frequent you have sex.

Talk to an agreement

Never assume that your partner can read your mind. You need to initiate a discussion and have an agreement on the important issues. For instance, if you have disagreements on finances, you need to create a settlement by having separate bank and credit accounts, while having a joint banking account solely used for paying the bills. Meanwhile, family goals should be agreed on jointly, such as saving up for a new home, a vacation to Mexico, or a new car.

Assess the in-laws’ role

If either of your parents have negative opinions about your marriage, you need to inform your spouse that both of you should try to be fair and realistic about their behavior. You can also keep family visits to a minimum.

Never use in-laws, or parents, as a wall to lean on

Even if you have disagreements with your spouse, the worse thing that you can do is telling your spouse’s parent about every negative behavior their child has exhibited. You may think that you are only asking for their support, you that would only increase hostility once you get home. Running back to your parents, meanwhile, shows immaturity and lack of commitment to the marriage.

Settling marital problems, at most, should be resolved by the couple themselves. If it does not work, a marital counselor would be your last resort.

Never argue when you are really angry

If you feel like having your blood boil, try and cool off the anger. Calm down by going for a walk, taking care of the garden, or cleaning the closet, and discuss the argument as civil and rational as possible.

Never accuse your spouse

If you suspect that your spouse, for instance, is cheating, never call it out by saying "I accuse you cheating" or any similar remark. Instead, show to your spouse that you are hurt by his or her actions. Say, "I feel hurt," or "I feel like you really let me down." This lets your spouse see how their behavior impacts your marriage.

Never go to bed angry

Resolve all dispute and disagreements calmly before going to bed, and never bring the arguments into the bedroom. Treat the bedroom as a place of love and relaxation, not where you can privately discuss your disagreements.


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