Forgive and forget. That’s what we often hear. But it’s easier said than done.
You could easily say "it’s alright" to someone who might have done wrong to you. But, after deep reflection, you might be surprised to find out that you have been "collecting" these little "hurts" over the years.
In a relationship as sacred as marriage, forgiveness is very important. You can forgive the offense, but you can not forget the person.
What forgiveness means in a marriage?
To forgive is to make a very difficult decision. It is made even more difficult because you have to decide while you are hurting. Resolve to forgive everyday as the hurt fades.
Pain is unavoidable, all the more because we humans are prone to error. Don’t think of forgiveness as a cover up for the pain. Rather, understand that it is a tool to deal with pain. Since marriage is meant to be forever, be glad that you have a tool to deal with life’s pains that you are sure to experience in the course of your life together.
Realize this: people who hurt for long periods of time are people who refuse to forgive. Forgiveness is what fights the hurt so it won’t enslave us and do us anymore harm than it already has.
Forgiveness is not something you and/or your partner need to work hard for. You don’t use old faults and hold them against your partner. You don’t use them for emotional blackmail. This only shows you haven’t learned to forgive.
Be honest. If you are hurt, don’t hide that you are hurt. It may lead your partner to believe he/she has done no wrong, and does not need to be forgiven. Marriage is about love, intimacy and understanding. This means sharing what you truly feel. Admitting that you are hurt is a step towards healing.
Forgiveness is also the tool that "cleans" your "slate" and allows you to start over. Without it, the incident will persist to exist and you will never be able to move on and start anew.
Finally, realize that you and/or your partner need to be forgiven, even if you (or your partner) feel like your partner (or you) don’t deserve it. If forgiveness is deserved, then no one has to ever ask for forgiveness, right? Asking and needing to be forgiven can help in the healing process.