When a Spouse Is Unfaithful

unfaitful spouse

Instead of moping around uselessly, here are some practical things to help you cope when your spouse becomes unfaithful.

Don’t make any major decisions about ending your marriage now jus

Just because your spouse has been unfaithful, do not just jump in and end the marriage. Rather take this time to reflect on your marriage. What are the problems or issues that drove your husband away?

What you are feeling right now is neither right nor wrong

It is only normal for you to feel betrayed, enraged, uncertain, shocked, agitated, afraid, hurt, depressed and confused. Accept these feelings that you feel towards your spouse.

Take care of yourself

Your emotions may manifest physically – you may feel nauseous, or you may have diarrhea or sleeping problems, you may experience shakiness, difficulty concentrating, and eating problems such as binge eating or loss of appetite – so it is important that you take good care of yourself.

Balance is the key to getting through this experience

Just because your spouse has been unfaithful, doesn’t mean you have to forget about being balanced. Eat healthy, get some exercise, stay on schedule, get enough sleep, drink plenty of water and most importantly, don’t forget to have fun.

It’s healthy to laugh

Get a good laugh often. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Watch funny shows or movies. A good laugh is healthy for you.

It’s healthy to cry too

Crying is a form of release, unloading. If your tears do not come easily, play some sad or blues type of music.

Start a journal

Write down your thoughts and feelings about your spouse’s unfaithfulness. Writing is also a form of release. Plus, it can help you see sort your thoughts and feeling when they are in writing.

Ask questions

Talk with your spouse about the unfaithfulness, to know what triggered the infidelity, other issues, etc. however, you might have to accept that your spouse may not know why the unfaithfulness happened.

Seek counseling

You do both have to cope with the infidelity by yourself. Also, an outsider may help you see things clearly because a counselor is not burdened by the emotional aspects of an infidelity.

Take things one day at a time

You and your spouse should be checked for HIV/STDs before you start having unprotected sex again. Establish the boundaries you need in the marriage to stay in the marriage. You will need the services of your attorney to document these in postnuptial agreement.

Your children need to be reassured that you are going to be okay

Keeping the truth from your kids will be useless as it will be obvious to them that there is something wrong. It is best to b e honest with them but do not burden then with details about your spouse’s infidelity, especially if they are still young. It is also important to not make promises you can’t keep, such as staying together, etc.

Try not to get into the blaming game

First of all, playing who’s to blame is a waste of time, it will accomplish nothing. This includes blaming the third party. Blaming him/her doesn’t change anything.

You may have-post traumatic stress

If you feel jumpy, or have a tendency to yell at small things, or if your physical reactions continue to manifest when you are reminded of the infidelity, see a physician immediately.

Healing takes time

Forgiving your spouse and making a commitment to save your marriage is a start, but it will take some time before the mistrust, the sense of confusion and the mixed feelings go away.

Be practical

Look into your finances, your housing situation, transportation so that if you do decide to end the marriage, you already have thought out where you will live, etc.

 
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