How to maintain independence in your relationship

How to maintain independence in your relationship

Remember who you were
Don’t drop the friends, hobbies or lifestyle you had at the start of the relationship in order to fit in with your man. If he doesn’t share these, there’s no need to abandon them; if they fulfill you, keep them in your life.

Be more self-reliant
Don’t ask your man to do things you’re unsure about, whether it be changing a plug, calling room service or challenging a stroppy waiter. Bite the bullet, and even if you fall flat the first time, it will reinforce your idea of yourself, and his idea of you, as an effective and independent woman.

Project yourself as independent
When with others, make an effort to say ‘I’ instead of ‘we’. Offer your own point of view rather than letting him speak for both of you. Fix work and social arrangements without always checking back with him first.

Keep developing
Do things you find emotionally or physically challenging. Why not try bungee jumping, public speaking or even a fire walk? Building your confidence this way will reinforce the idea that you can cope even in a crisis, and that you don’t need your partner to rescue you on a daily basis.

Take breaks
It’s great to be together but 24/7 bonding creates dependence. At least twice a year, take a weekend away, either with friends or on your own, to gain a fresh view that you can share when you reunite.

Watch for deeper dependency signals
If you need constant reassurance, let him make every decision, feel your world would collapse if he left, then it’s possible that your dependency may be rooted in childhood problems. Log on to and find a good counsellor to help you.

Maintaining your independence is so vital to having a healthy relationship as well as being a healthy individual. After all I am the only Dawn Donohoo that there will ever be on this earth.  If I do not maintain my independence and realize that a relationship should add to my life and me as a person but not change me into a whole new person or a person who does not know the I in life, then I will lose me! This topic is so important because when it comes to relationships you have to be vigilant so that you do not lose yourself to someone else completely.  I believe we are all born with a purpose, that is why we all have our own special DNA! Don’t lose your independence so that you can live a fulfilled life with the potential that was allotted to you.

One comment

  1. Love this tip – I am glad there’s another dating coach out there who focuses on logical, practical advice rather than quick-fixes. (There’s too much “pick up” info on the Internet.)

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