Have you ever experienced being so annoyed with some guy only to end being so attracted to him? He’s the type who will start a saucy conversation with you and by the end of the night, you see him in totally different – quite attractive – light. Then, you feel that you are ready to be in a serious relationship with him.
Why do we do this?
"People always want to hope that this is the one" says Deborah Cooper, popular relationship columnist Ms. Heartbeat and author of ‘Sucka-Free Love: How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional and The Deranged!’. Cooper adds that "We’re quick to brush warning signs under the rug.
We tell ourselves it’s not as bad as they might think, the person didn’t mean what they said. Somehow it’s discounted and pushed aside because the focus is on acquisition of this person’s love, instead of, ‘It is the right person to love?’"
Cooper further adds that we see the end goal, not the person we want to reach that goal with. If you are guilty of this then next time you meet some smooth, hot guy who has a way with words check for these warning signs.
If he says something along the lines of "I’m about to break up with my girlfriend". Or "I still see my ex every now and then". All of these translate to "let’s see if I can fit you in my schedule". The problem is that women tend to see this kind of situation as a challenge. Then they set out to prove to the guy that they are the better choice.
If he says "I’m not really looking for a girlfriend right now" or "I’m just not the boyfriend type". He’s actually telling the truth. For your part do not think that you will be the one who can change his mind.
You notice that every time your phone rings, it’s rarely him. And it takes forever for him to return your call. You also notice that when he does call, he wants something. Cooper says "People make time for what they’re interested in, what’s important to them".
He doesn’t share his life with you. He does not introduce you to his friends (let alone his family). He comes over to you place, but you’ve never been to his. You rarely go out in public. It’s starting to appear to you like he’s leading a double life or something. Do not wait around only to find out that he’s turned you into his friend with benefits. Even worse, a secret lover, a mistress, the other woman.
You took the bill on your first date. That’s okay. But then you paid for the second date. And the third. You know he’s not. He just doesn’t spend his money on you. What you should look for is, says Cooper, is someone who "least has a spirit of sharing, like a partner."
He can describe how sexy you were in that little VS number you wore the night before, but he has no idea about your work and other important things in your life. If he’s appears to be uninterested in you or your life, then you know that you are just a bed buddy rather than a girlfriend.
You conversations with him are peppered with his ex’s name. Clearly, it’s emotional baggage he can’t let go off, then consider how are you going to be able to form a sound and serious relationship.
On some level, you know this thing all along. Most women do. You just do not accept it because we only want to see the good. Thus, women gloss over their man’s bad side. But ask yourself, why waste your time?
"The purpose of dating is to find a man that fits your lifestyle, your values, your personality, your goals," Cooper says. "You’re looking for a 90 percent dude, where all your needs are met and then there are a few, minor adjustments to make."