Here’s the thing. If you are a totally hot (IHOP) waitress and you are okay, your man won’t care. But if you are a totally gorgeous (IHOP) waiter and you are okay, your woman will care. It’s not you, it’s our (patriarchal) society.
Men feel the pressure to earn more, pay more, treat more in dates and in relationships. I’m sure you’ve hear Beyoncé’s songs right? They practically tell it to your face that yeah, I can buy an awful lot of expensive stuff, can you? Uhuh. Ladies, you don’t have to rub salt in the wounds of your man’s already deflated ego.
But what if he’s the perfect guy for you? Maybe you need not focus so much on his finances – unless of course he’s practically free-loading.
Here are somethings you can do:
Before you get in too deep into the relationship, consider this: you’re making 100 grand a year. He’s the night manager of the corner 7/11. You are aware that he will not be able to take you on vacation on some expensive locale for weeks.
Never wave in his face how much money you make. If you do not make a big deal over money. He won’t either.
Be creative. Think of inexpensive ways to date. A picnic in the park. A trip to the museum.
If you can, settle the money even before the date. If your going out on a movie date, get tickets beforehand. If you are going out to dinner, say it’s your treat.
Don’t feel uncomfortable when he wants to pay. Know that he’s stretching his budget to take you out on a fancy date. Boost his ego by allowing him to pay.
Treating on dates is one thing. Playing host to a parasite is another. If he makes you pay for his car not and saving him from dire financial straights is reason enough for you to dump him. No matter how charming he is.
Don’t try to change his career. If he’s a bellboy, do not make him go corporate. Instead push him to become hotel manager. That’s a stretch, but you know what i mean, right? What you can do is be encouraging.
See yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if people judge you by the amount of money you have in the bank.
Don’t feel bad that your success will hurt him. You worked hard for it and you deserve it. Now, if he doesn’t have the self-esteem to handle that, then you know your relationship will go nowhere.
Bottom line, do not make finances your number one criteria in choosing a life partner. What if money suddenly becomes irrelevant? What will you have then?