Are You Cheating?

Are You Cheating?

So we all know cheating is not just having sex with someone. In fact, most people feel an emotional affair is even a little worse. So when is it cheating?  Is confiding in a woman other than your partner cheating? Here are some examples of what some call cheating and examples of what some think is not cheating.

Hiding female friendships

You’re a guy who has female friends who are important to you. However, you don’t necessarily want to talk about your female friends with your girlfriend because she is possessive and might tell you to break off your friendships. By keeping the friendships a secret you can have some bonding time with your female friends and ensure happy dealings with your woman.

Are you cheating? Yes.
Sorry to say, but you’re basically sneaking around behind your girlfriend’s back. Although it’s not overtly sexual, the fact is you’re still keeping things secret from her. We don’t want to sound like Dr. Phil, but that’s never healthy, because secrecy can be a form of betrayal. You might want to ask yourself what you think you have to hide if you’re hiding friendships from your girlfriend. Be open about your life — your girlfriend is a part of it, after all — and if she has her own insecurities, perhaps your secrecy is really a symptom of a bigger problem in your relationship that needs working on, such as lack of trust.
Hiding meetings with your ex

You and your ex are not romantically interested in each other anymore and sometimes meet up for drinks after work. Purely innocent, yes, but you have not told your girlfriend for the simple reason that you fear she won’t understand.

Are you cheating? Yes.
Regardless of why you have not disclosed the info to your girlfriend, you are doing something that you wouldn’t do with her knowledge. The secrecy is the problem in this scenario because it’s keeping your girlfriend in the dark so you can have your cake and eat it too — even if the cherry on the cake does not include getting to shag your ex. If you feel guilty about something or you feel the need to hide it, then it’s cheating. Period.

Activities with a female friend

You regularly go biking with your female work colleague because you both share a love of the outdoors. You and your best female friend sometimes go to dance class together. Your respective partners do not join you on your excursions.

Are you cheating? No.
Friendships are an important part of life and you can share different kinds of closeness with friends than you do with your partner. Who says your partner has to tag along with you every time you’re spending time with another woman? That’s a dark ages mentality. There’s no harm having some blameless fun with other women and sharing activities with them — as long as sex is not the shared hobby, of course.
Feeling attracted to someone else

Although you’re happily attached, you can’t help but feel attracted to your colleague or friend. Maybe you ogle her every now and then when she wears that tight dress.

Are you cheating? No.
Just because you’ve admired another woman’s looks or felt a bit of sexual attraction to her, you’re not a cheat for the simple fact that you haven’t done anything more than have a look. If this were cheating, then what about watching porn? Or having a sexual fantasy about a celebrity? Every single attraction to the opposite sex would be considered unfaithful behavior, which would be ridiculous.

A good way to know if you are crossing the line and are potentially cheating is to check your conscious. If you get a check and something does not feel right, then you need to step away from whatever you are doing and ask yourself  “if your girlfriend/boyfriend was here, would you still be doing this?”

Dating Coach, Dawn Donohoo



  1. The last sentence is the KEY. If it does not feel right, you are at least heading down the wrong path. Other things to look go includes feeling a sense of shame mixed in with excitement…as in part of the fun comes from doing something you know you’re not supposed to do but somehow it boosts your ego that you’re doing it.

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